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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?